Sunday, April 1, 2007

Putting the "Ass" Back in "Passover"

The Jewish holidays are referenced as "festivals" in the Bible: Passover, Sukkot, and Shavuot are collectively the "three festivals," and during the Temple eras (which rhymes with "capoeira," Brazilian dance fighting) the nation of Israel descended upon Jerusalem for those holidays. Even a cursory glance reveals the difference between those celebrations and the matzo-ball-soup-and-trite-seder formula that we're all used to: we don't celebrate "festivals" anymore. We celebrate "holidays" or "holy days," but not festivals. If we wanted to enact what is in the Bible, instead of some lame-ass modern day adaptation, we'd pack up our shit and camp out somewhere, all the Jews together, and have a festival.
We wouldn't necessarily have to go to Jerusalem, since its finite space will only stretch to account for the millions of people once the Messiah arrives. But we could go somewhere else--say, Reykjavik, Iceland or the boondocks in South Carolina--and celebrate Passover the way we were intended to. Imagine a cross between Bonnaroo, the Wailing Wall, Kosher Sex, and visiting day at sleepaway camp.
Why not? It's not that there's anything wrong with contemporary Passover, per se, but sitting at home for days with nothing but unleavened bread and the Far Side gets a little stale (literally/figuratively). Why not add some color to a monotonous black-and-white holiday? Why not put some real festivities in our festivals? Why not make those four cups of wine count, instead of heading to bed right afterwards? Why not hand out eighths of Philosopher Stone shrooms and have everybody get naked and run at the moon, and eventually pass out in a scattered heap of hallucinogenic fatigue, then wake up the next afternoon with no recollection of what happened? Why not invite civic leaders and politicians to this bash, and carouse with them until they accede to lowering taxes and fixing the growing wealth disparity in virtually every American city and town?

Stay subdued, post-modern Passover,
MC Messianic Merriment

No comments: