i wanna start with a shout-out to some new myspace peeps. a big welcome back to monica, who lasted exactly 2 weeks without myspace. we're glad we have you back, and we're thankful for revlon sunglasses. and here's to shlomo joining the millions of myspace people who've already stopped pretending to be filmmakers and admitted they spend all day creating new online community identities.
for today's topic, i've chosen calculus. a brief history: a few hundred years ago, isaac newton dipped his penis in a cauldron of fire and decided that the only way to ease his pain would be to create an impossibly esoteric and complicated system of graphs, numbers, derivates, and integrals. at the same time, the author/faggot/philosopher leibniz was busy creating calculus as well. when the two men found that they'd created the same math, they stuffed graphing paper down each other's throats until they both died of boredom.
fast forward to today: students at baruch college in manhattan have to watch millions of hours of calculus videos to pass the final. the smiling, math-loving, kid-touching professors on the tape make absurdly math-related jokes, like, "the derivative of the problem is U2. haha, just like the band." those who watch inevitably lose all desire to interact with humanity again, convinced that the opposite sex is evil and loves the cobb douglas production function.
thank you, newton and leibniz, for meagan's law.
you have a dirty whorish mouth and i will slap you in public,
MC dorothy mantooth
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