For a long time, red tape has been synonymous with intricately webbed bureaucracies, the types that bind consumers in an impossible entanglement of crippling, ineffective malfunction and apathy. It can take hours and hours and hours to get your license processed, weeks to clear your restaurant with the board of health, and you can count on waiting for months to get building permits, or even medical clearance to travel to somalia. the key characteristics of bureaucracies are ineffciency, incompetence, and malicious wastes of time.
so, after i thought about it for a little while, i realized that my mind is a cerebral bureaucracy. it's vastly ineffective--i can't figure out how to fix the enter key on my keyboard--i often feel incompetent, and my behavior proves me to be so more often than not. plus, i'm always daydreaming at critically inoppurtune junctures, while i should be discharging the vitally important tasks at hand: eating, sleeping, talking, working, and figuring out how to fix my keyboard. come to think of it, i'm just a giant human bureaucracy, and it's not just my brain that is the symbolic ire of the american public. my ineffective existence qualifies me for bureaucratic agency, and not the cool kind, and certainly not anything super-covert, like CIA or DEA. I'm more like motor vehicles or, heaven forbid, FEMA, and the world is my katrina. i react too slowly, and i'm hazaradous and unresponsive to jazz.
i'd like to say "fuck the red tape," but that's very self-effacing. so suffice it to say that no one, not even the president, wants me taking care of a national crisis. unless, of course, i'm fresh off raising arabian horses and my last name can be conveniently satirized into a dessert treat, like "brownie" or "raisinette" or "bugle." until then...
stay classy on the bayou,
mc FBI
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