Office Politics

Everyone talks about office politics, but they're always one level abstracted from politic reality. So let's bring it back to politicos, and their parallels in the office. Let's do some assigning right now, while the Divine wave of inspiration is still prevalent in my Madison Avenue office.

If the CEO is the President and the CFO is the vice-president, then the secretary of state has to be the human resources department. The Speaker of the House is the loud obnoxious woman 2 cubicles away who bitches and moans about her slow internet, and the house minority leader is the ethnic employee who is 2 decibles too loud about his/her heritage, and the importance of them holding that job/college degree in relation to said heritage. The foreign diplomats are the salespeople, and the senate majority leader is the employee who works really hard, makes a lot of money, keeps his chin up, but is virtually unknown to anyone outside of his circle.

Now, here's the fun part. If the current American regime had to take office jobs, what would they all do?

George W. would clean up spittle at rest stops along the highway. Dick Cheney would be the world's hide-and-go-seek champion. Condy Rice would be sleeping with the guy who cleans up spittle, but also rocking a solid 9-to-fiver where she pulls down just enough money to sugar- mama georgie. Colin Powell would be back in the military, probably killing innocent civilians in a country that ends in "stan" to vent his frustration at having to serve in this white house. Don rumsfeld would be an undercover cop who lets all the crack dealers get away, but arrests, without evidence or forethought, a young female schoolteacher on first-degree kidnapping suspicions.

Stay incompetent, bush administration

MC john stewart for president, or at least expand the daily show to an hour