Wednesday, February 21, 2007

A Business Proposal

I was sipping a Stella at a greenwich jazz show two nights ago when I realized that the desired effect of beer is not always the definitive desired effect. Being kinda drunk and more than kinda lazy has its benefits in a number of settings, including dart games, bowling alleys, open houses, cockpits, barrooms, and work.

Sometimes, though, you don't want the familiar beer sensations. You absolutely, however, need, want, and/or desire the external comforts of a longneck, like the way it inspires confidence in others that you are not an alcoholic, since, if you were, you'd be taking jager shots in threes instead of sipping a solitary brew. So how can we reconcile these two opposing wants, while, at the same time, maintaining the integrity of what beer is, and, moreover, what it is supposed to be?

One proposal came from an astute reader of this blog: flex-beer. Like manna from heaven, it conforms to whatever the ingestor's desires may be, all the while holding its form, taste, and color. However, its physiological effects will be governed by the drinker's whim: you can be drunk, happy, energized, or completely unaffected, while no one else at the club will have any idea that your beer is not at all what he/she imgaines it to be. Thank you, veritable reader, for your invaluable contribution to my life.

i don't know how to say this, but i'm kind of a big deal,

miss corningstone

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