Friday, February 23, 2007

The Most Definitive List of Anything Ever

Avi shimon christopherson returned to Israel a couple days ago, which reminds me that its about time I laid out the 10 best reasons to move to/ spend time in Israel. This is not a top 10 list, since the numbers ascend, and Im too tired to litigate with david letterman.

1 haifa whores charge in shekels, not dollars

2 if you speak English fluently and make any kind of political statement theres a 99% chance youll end up on CNN

3 the legal drinking age is breathing

4 metrosexual is the new normal there. david beckham's off the english premier team, right? i wonder where he'll end up...

5 the recent conflict means that female soldiers are emotionally vulnerable on an unprecedented scale

6 rent on a typical 3-bedroom Jerusalem apartment is 800 dollars a month, so if you sublet your manhattan apartment for a year, you can vacation in Israel, get a nicer apartment than you already have, and make 2500 dollars a month

7 rent on a house in the settlements (depending where) is about 50 bucks a month, so I you sublet your manhattan apartment, your bodys autonomic physiological response is to shit gold

8 sale price for a gram of good, but not amazing, pot is around 33 dollars when converted from shekels. So bring an ounce of headies in a peanut butter jar, charge 35/g, and your whole trip is paid for

9 1 night in a deluxe bungalow in the Sinai desert is 5 dollars, and the average meal costs the same, so on a budget of 20 dollars a day (bungalow + 3 meals), you can spend 48 and a half days in paradise if you sell the entire ounce of pot

10 psytrance goatrance psytrance goatrance psytrance goatrance psytrance goatrance

stay classy tel aviv,
dj hummus

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