Friday, February 23, 2007

I'm Afraid of my TV

In the last blog I referenced the enormous TV that found its way into our living room. However, I did not understand its power's scope until today, when I found myself watching--watching--the premium music channels. You know, those channels that stream songs, just like radio, that are divided into genres/epochs that flash photos of the artists as the song plays? I'm watching those. Beyonce looks huge, and hugely gorgeous, while Noel Gallagher has some explaining to do. And these are the audio-only stations--you can imagine how livid I am the ESPN HD isn't part of our programming roster.

After starving myself from TV since I was 18, this television's arrival represents the biggest challenge yet to my non-telivitory (word??) existence. This TV is huge, has perfect resolution, has symphony hall audibles, and is tempting me to change my moniker from DJ to DVR. And now, as I flip to the electronica channel, Mr. Samsung is offering me--holy shit--Daft Punk, which channel 616 tells me used to go by "Darling." How can I resist?

In other news, I came into contact with a number of Israelis at the Queens Center mall yesterday. It seems the "shitty-stand-in-the-middle-of-the-concourse" business has been taken over by Sabras, who flock to this country for the abundant selling oppurtunities in aroma therapy, dead sea salts, cinnabons, and jewelry. I, in turn, pretended I was a homosexual non-Jew, devoted to my boyfriend Diesel, yet looking to score with an Israeli salesboy. I failed on that front, but I had some memorable exchanges with that salesboy's girlfriend, who was working at the stand next to his:

HER: "In Jerusalem they're very aggressive against people like you, but in Tel Aviv they have parties where all they do stuff you do."
ME: "What kind of stuff? Dancing? Being fabulous?"
HER: No...the....uh.....other stuff.

HER: "In my country people like you can't be in the army."
ME: "Why not? We all go to the gym 5 days a week, we have great physiques, what's the problem?"
HER: "I know, I don't get it. But they do have parades just for you guys."

And, for anyone who's curious: Queens Center Mall, top floor, aroma therapy stand, open till 9:30pm. Girl's name is Tommy--you won't be disappointed. I'll bet you a year's worth of hand salts on it.

Stay lucrative, lower than sea level locales,
DJ Dead Sea

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