Friday, February 23, 2007


According to my music 101 professor, the first music recorded to paper was the church's gregorian chant, followed by medieval dances, then larger ensembles, and then orchestras, followed by smaller bands and electronic music. Since britney spears killed music, cir. 1998, there has been little in the way of tonal innovation.

we need a musical revolution, and it has to start with the audience. what will be different about this revolution is that it will be listener-based; for the first time, the listening public, in all its ignorance and naivete, will point the way to a brighter musical tomorrow.

no more plodding emo ballads, sophomoric pop, produced-to-death country, or divas, or enriques, or simpson sisters. and no more classical music (oh wait, that happened when john cage died). instead of writing your congressperson, do something that will really affect change, and write a letter to clive davis at sony/bmg, or russell simmons at every other label, and tell them that you want your music un-shat-on. if ever there was a time for action, that time is now, since john williams is pitifully running out of ideas for the home alone 7 score.

and, while we're revolutionizing things, let's reverse the listening device trend. since the portable casssette, we've been minimizing and ergo-maximizing our players. the latest is the ipod nano, which is so small that it couldn't play the wingman in a midget porn. but let us say: no more. let's bring back the big band, or even the 120-piece classical orchestra, and let's stroll around with it. while it's physically impossible to cram 100 musicians into an ipod and expect an honest sound, imagine 95 latvian cellists sweating over 'thriller.'

stay classy js bach

MC bring back the hammond b3

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