Rules to Live By

rules to live by
Current mood: apathetic

I think it's about time that somebody who isn't a politician, lawyer, or pedophile lays down the law. And since I am none of the above--although I've been arrested for dabbling in all three aforementioned pasttimes--I am hereby adding some key components to the united states constitution:

1-literature classes may no longer assign reading from before the dawn of time
2-pot smoking is not just legal, but mandatory. Violators will be hotboxed with detroit chronic at their own expense
3-there will be a third highway to get into new york city in addition to the henry hudson and fdr, and only oprah will be allowed on it
4-addictive behaviors will be rewarded with strawberries
5-New jersey will surrender to communists and distribute its shittiness evenly to all its residents
6-emo music is illegal
7-except for good emo music
8-is keane emo music? probably. shit.

that's all for now, but i can go to sleep knowing that this country is just a little bit safer. in the meantime, I remain in my glass case of emotion.

bark twice if you're in minneapolis,
wilt chamberlain