Friday, February 23, 2007

In the Pursuit of a Perfect Union

there are three invariably good things in this world: marshmallows, edward norton movies, and cuddling. Outside of those time-tested institutions lies the rest of the known universe, into which evil seeps like a cancer. During americas colonial period, a group of settlers created a utopian movement, and established a small town based on perfectionist ideals. Not surprisingly, the movement failed, and the town disbanded. This was because:
1-they probably didnt eat marshmallows
2-they didnt have movies, especially Edward Norton movies
3-puritans dont cuddle

In pursuit of my own utopian vision, I wrote the utopian manifesto in the back of my 6th grade English binder, right under the supergun I was drawing, and opposite the first chapter of a novel I was writing with adam hoenig, who wrote the single best line in literary history: "there was nothing he liked more than laying down and relaxing while he was taking a shit."
Anyway, back when I was 11, I had certain dream-like convictions about what a utopia would look like: no killing, no stealing, no ballet, no parents, no cassette tapes, no cartoons (I always hated cartoons), no war, and no vegetables. I had no idea what goes in to a truly perfect society, and probably hadnt seen anything with edward norton yet. My point, of course, is that we oftentimes get ahead of ourselves, and in our haste to perfect what we know, we forget to make sure that we know what perfection is. but now we know: marshmallows, EN movies, and cuddling. But not same-sex cuddling, unless thats your thing, which is totally cool. But if its not your thing, then it doesnt qualify for perfection, unless youre 3 and its with your father. But thats really about it.

Stay classy Edward Norton,
MC hetero contact

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