OK, I admit: I'm a Semite. But that doesn't mean so much when you're facing 3 days of early synagogue services, prying family questions ("Do you have girlfriend? Would you even tell me the truth if you did?") (answer to the second: fuck no), and bathtubs of manischewitz wine.
But it might be time to reflect, in the spirit of late November, on all the things that being a Semite gives me. Maybe this composite of Jewish benefits will change my mood:
-automatic job at any law firm in new york, LA, or miami
-automatic place in synagogue to repent for sins committed at said law firm in new york, LA, miami
-the israeli flag is very chic
-i could be nude in a ritual bath ANY TIME I WANT
-yarmulkes are also chic, albeit not as chic as the israeli flag, but relatively avante-garde.
-i have enough jewish guilt to feed a third world country forever
-i can sign up for the israeli military right now and no one could stop me, especially president bush
-while i'm on him, i'm definitely smarter than president bush
-even though i don't go to yale
-even though i've done more drugs than him
That just about wraps it up here. For anyone out there who's not completely sold on Judaism, google "heidi klum." she might not be jewish, but she could be.
go google some more bullshit san diego,