Friday, February 23, 2007

Donnie Rums and Me in the non-Kosher caf

Status: sitting in the queens college cafeteria, listening to daft punk, chewing gum, wearing a blue sweater above lighter-blue jeans, the back of my hair is still wet from a shower i took 3 hours ago. on a caffeine jump from a bottomless wild cherry pepsi, just finished two slices of vegetable pizza, trying to decide whether or not i should be friends with the two purple-clad sheep in the corner pledging for a frat. wondering, moreover, if frats make any sense at a commuter school without a campus. brain fuctionality very high, but putting toether consistent, coherent thoughts is proving rather difficult. cutting class, by the way, is the best thing to do when you're cutting class. think about that one--it'll make sense after two ambien.

i can't remember the last time i compiled one of my trademarked handy-dandy-like-roofie-candy lists, and the world could use some enumeration right about now. i have donald rumsfeld on hand to help, and he looks like hell: hasn't shaved in a few days, a frosty, amorphous patch of dried spittle on his chin, collar half-up, cheap tie, just finished reading the classifieds, couldn't find a job that suited him. pity.

but what would suit him? here are some (numbered) ideas:

1. formulating iraq re-entry strategy, to be enacted immediately following iraq exit strategy is implemented
2. strategist for atlanta hawks losing campaign, in order to get number 1 pick in draft--operation "shock and fail" (courtesy or robusto)
3. refurbishing the exxon valdez
4. piloting "tribute to amelia earhart" commemorative flight to the bermuda triangle
5. any place he could get warhead from an indentured minor under his desk
6. opening for micheal richards on the "comedy for equality" tour
7. putting money on whoever is paired with tiger woods on the final 18 holes of a major tournament
8. speaking of gambling, maybe he could go into casino porn? "dealer busts," "double down," "the river and the flop," "splitting queens," "2 on black," "hit me," "slut machines," "i fold," all viable film titles.
9. sorry, still thinking about casino porn titles.
10. "assino????" nah.....

That'll wrap it up for me and donny, who by now is drinking from a flask he brought in a defense department dossier on drunken driving. and, just in case you were wondering about a deposed cabinet member's drink of choice, the answer (duh!) is the blood of iraqi children.

Stay despondent, Donald,
DJ world series of poke-her (nice)

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